ice train scenes. part the second.
[scribbled into the moleskine, while travelling.]
sunday, february 27th, 2005
ice train 104 international
the ruhrgebiet boards the train in freiburg. it sport a haircut from 1992, shaved in the back and curly on top, blondified. it's nose is a bit too large and pierced, too, and its upper lip curls upwards with eternal demands, its mouth always open. its stretch pants are too tight, its top too see-through. orsay.
it uses two mobiles. and does nothing else.
for 3 hours, 54 minutes.
the ruhrgebiet gets off the train with me. in duisburg.
wednesday, march 2nd 2003.
checkers. every men on this train thinks he's a checker. lots of testosterone on the loose. all this pseudo-checking of things.
at least it's quiet.
man, not yet 50 and looking much older, lower to middle management poistion. wearing a combination outfit in at least 6 different shades of grey and clubby shoes, a checkered suitcase above him in the luggage rack.
he's reading "stahl & eisen". we're still in the ruhrgebiet. obviously.
outside the windows: dortmund.
awful, awful, awful, pseudo-checker, 24 at the most. he's got a ba in wood engineering because a regular course of study would have been too boring and he got through school in record time. his face has not finished puberty yet, and the suit mama bought for him is too large and too grey and his tie is too stripey and too small anyway, and his shoes are too fucking huge and giving him away as someone who has no clue of life yet.
he's gangly and insecure as he fidgets around his seat, playing the routined business traveller that he simply isn't.
then he eats a milchschnitte. unbelievable. he gets off at bielefeld.
forestry. i told you so.
why do young professionals in the us look so much better, so much more capable? maybe it's all the working out they do. who knows.
8:12am vodka or no vodka?
i'm feeling calm and almost relaxed and happy in my skin, shaved, soft, cared for, ready to be touched.
i'll be having sex later. it's something you rarely know as well in advance as i do today. it's a great feeling, this one. a really great feeling.
relaxed tension and bright eyes in my ears. today is a life changing moment, day, whatever. he is me and i am him and what it means or what it might mean will become obvious today, at least a tiny little bit.
and that's wonderful. absolutely wonderful.
my skin is longing for touch, my lips want to kiss and be kissed. my whole self is excited about this upcoming intesity.
the only guy who actually has a clue is sitting 5 rows away, on the row-seat, facing me. very good clean suit. slightly spikey hair, but not too spikey. his tie is decent sized. he looks at me.
and at my pointy shoes. ha. they might be peter kaiser, but they're looking good, yes. thanks dad.
music in my ear, and i sing along, as usual, and i put on a little show and we smile at each other. he sleeps for a while, and is even prettier then. he gets off at hanover, with good looking luggage, and we say goodbye, smiling.
two groups of deer in the snow.
spandau. did "spandau ballet" chose their name knowing spandau. "through the barricades" was my favourite song on kuschelrock #4.
thursday, march 3rd 2005
just after spandau, 3 groups of deer in the snow. are they always there? are they real? or are thex simply more easily noticable because of the snow?
just after hannover, 2 more groups of deer.
also: immovable, quiet wind power plants, in fog, in snow. they are standing in a circle, looking at each other, as if they've got something to discuss, a plan to make, talks to have.
just after bielefeld: rabbits. hundreds of rabbits.