Wednesday, March 09, 2005

daddy's with you wherever you are.

today's been fucked up.
like seriously fucked up.

i realised this morning that my mother's 19-year old apprentice has been accessing a german abuse and incest support ubb from the computer i'm using.

i quickly realised which poster she was and read what she'd written. my scarleteen.com trained online lying sensor did not go off.
i realised that the gut feeling i've had for weeks now has been spot on. she's being raped by someone in her family. namely the man her mother (who's the worst woman you can imagine, who very openly hates her daughter, who treats her like a slave. and i am not saying this to make it sound dramatic. her mother sucks.) will marry in less than 2 weeks. the man she lives under one roof with, because she thinks her apprentice salary is not sufficient so that she can live on her own. she describes herself as suicidal.

so a few hours later, after her lunch break, after some chatting about nothing much (me trying to gather strength to talk to her) i tell her that i saw in the explorer history what websites she's been looking at, and told her that if anything was wrong, she could always tell me and i would listen. i told her that everyone would support her if something was wrong. and that bad stuff you don't tell anyone gets much easier to handle once you've asked for support.

she blushed, terribly, and was obviously very ashamed and smiled and grinned and told me that all was fine and dandy and well and yes, she'd come to me if something was wrong.

and i didn't believe a single word she said. and i very obviously didn't succeed in reaching out to her.

what now?

"you're a precious stone, you're out on your own
you know everyone in the world, but you feel alone
daddy won't let you weep
daddy won't let you ache
daddy gives you as much as you can take
a-ha, sha-la, a-ha, sha-la
daddy's gonna pay for your crashed car

a little uptight, you're a baby's fist
butterfly kisses up and down your wrist
when you see him coming, you're licking your lip
nails bitten down to the quick
a-ha, sha-la, a-ha, sha-la
daddy's gonna pay for your crashed car
daddy's gonna pay for your crashed car

you've got a head full of traffic
you're a siren's song
you cry for mama, and daddy's right along
he gives you the keys to a flamin' car
daddy's with you wherever you are
daddy's a comfort
daddy's your best friend
daddy'll hold your hand right up to the end
a-ha, sha-la, a-ha, sha-la
daddy's gonna pay for your crashed car
daddy's gonna pay for your crashed car

sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday's alright"

u2. daddy's gonna pay for your crashed car.
[how many years did it take until i understood these lyrics?]