i read through the rest of j.'s weblog today, 120something pages or so, back to front.
i fell in love a little more (who would have thought that was possible in the first place) with every click on 'newer stories'.
there was laughing at his brilliance and still recognising 95% of all musical references, getting all warm and fuzzy reading his writing about the kid, reading between the lines when his affairs started, strangely enough not being able to tell when they ended, and even more strangely not being one bit jealous or weirded out but quite pleasantly thinking "cool, at least he got some".
so i keep falling and falling and falling some more with every word i read and every sms and every email (and there were more than a hundred again today) and every phone call and it's wonderful because there's not a hint of doubt or anything i feel the need to hide. mindblowing.
i'm fortunate. i'm thankful.
i think i received the biggest bestest present i could have ever received.
big bang, this.