therapy resistant.

lying in front of him on the massage table, his hands pressuring the base of my head, i told chris that i felt a strong tingling all across my forehead. besides the tinnitus zooming in and out, getting louder.

he changed the position of his hands, pressuring spots on my neck.
still tinging on my forehead. still noise in my ear.

he changed the position of his hands, pressuring spots on my jaw.

"there's still tingling on my forehead", i told him.

"you're thinking too much, girl.", he told me.

"you're not the first to tell me that, man.", i replied.

he kept working on my head, making me lean against him, while holding on to m y head, trying to make it better. but he couldn't.

"i feel rather therapy resistant today", i told him.

when he was done, i could barely hold my head up. a colleague of his, whom he had introduced me to and whom he had discussed my treatment with asked me how i was, and i could barely tell him.

walking out of there, unable to think, i felt emotions welling up, not wanting to pretend further, not wanting to walk further, just wanting to sit down and feel and talk, tears in my eyes.

maybe i am not that therapy resistant, after all.