Thursday, June 24, 2004

who needs google when you've got artsy ex-lovers?

looks like i don't need google anymore to stalk you, totte.
i shouldn't be surprised, really, considering things written by you turned out to be in books i ordered without knowing about your input and all.

today, an email from a mailing list arrived in my inbox telling me about your latest gig, happening the next few days in northtown. it wasn't about you per se, that email, obviously, it was a mailing list for niels frevert.

remember? for me, nationalgalerie's "indiana" was the soundtrack to that summer 10 years ago. you heard them play that spring, i think, you wore their goat image on a t-shirt. i remember dancing with you to their song "die waffe" after stephan died.
in my head, nationalgalerie's music and niels voice are forever connected with that summer.

"wie aus dem nichts/tauchtest du plötzlich vor mir auf/wie aus dem nichts/schnappten wir beide nach luft"

"von tief traurig bis überglücklich/ist es nur ein kleines stück/und irgendwann kommt/himmelhochjauchzendzutodebetrübt"

"alles so weit weg es kommt mir vor/als wäre ich Lichtjahre entfernt/zwischen vorher nichts und hinterher/ich schlafe morgens angetrunken ein/um möglichst lang im nirgendwo zu sein/der erste affe - lebend -/meilen unterm meer/fehlst mir/fehlst mir/habe sehnsucht/nach dir."

niels and nationalgalerie earned their firm spot on my favourites list that year, i still listen to their music a lot. do you?

so that mailing list email told me that niels will participate in a theatric improv show at northtown theatre company on football. a list of all other participants followed, and well, there you were, as well, with all your northtown literature homies.
on the northtown theatre company website, "really good!" is the addendum to a description of what you do in that show.
if i were in northtown, i might go and see that show, after all the usual ponderings about being your audience and all. - it does sound very entertaining, and i would like to see you perform to be able to compare your public persona with the one i used to know.
turns out, i would have had to go twice though, because niels and you were not performing the same night.
alas, i'm not in northtown out a few hundred km away, so there's no point in wasting time thinking about it.

how odd that just after i decided once again that googling you really is a fruitless/harmful/pointless endeavour because it keeps me stuck in the past, avoiding the now, i get emails with your name in it.

you got me, once again.