Friday, June 11, 2004

out of synch.

i've been feeling a little lost these past few days, apart from the something for kate induced high on wednesday night.
maybe it's something in the water. maybe the venus transit or the heat yesterday that totally knocked me out. something must be to blame.

i've simply been out of synch.
no wonder, really. i haven't been working out, i haven't done any yoga or mediating, i haven't done enough work for uni, haven't fed myself well at all. i haven't been very happy, apart from wednesday night, really: headaches, backaches, tiredness. the usual, really: the body telling me it doesn't like how i'm living, that i need to look after myself a bit better.

in the most bizarre twist of our otherwise so boringly normal happy loving relationship, somewhere these past days, dirk and i reversed our relationship roles: i started needing lots of lonetime and space, he started getting all cuddly, sometimes insecure and totally in-love.
once we realised what we'd been doing, it was actually kinda funny. until then though, it was a rather disturbing experience. i felt quite awful, and while i tried to remain compassionate with dirk, i *still* needed my own space. at least we've both gained a whole lot more insight in what it's like to be the other one.
strange to experience once again that our relationship needs opposites, contrast. we're so similar, dirk and i, more similar than we really want to acknowledge, that we go to extraordinary lenghts to be different.
it's all normal though, i think. we're a man and a woman, after all, and we're together. we're different. - and we obviously need all kinds of emotions, all kinds of mechanisms in our relationship at all times. and that's funny. and adds to the adventure.

we're having a little at-home-date tonight, i'm cooking dinner (vegan carrot stir fry), and we'll have some quality time later, which we hope to stretch into the weekend. there's lots of study that needs being done and dirk needs to apply for school for next year, too, but we're planning on doing some shopping for some summer clothes and shoes tomorrow, which should be nice. and maybe there'll be some time for yoga, as well.
i sure hope so. i need to relax, stretch and chant.
and get in synch.

om tare tuttare ture swaha

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om shree saché macha prahbu ki jai
paramatma ki jai
om shanti shanti shanti