i'm kinda speechless these days.
it's the heat and the mid-airish-ness of not knowing where my balance is, i guess, and just life in general, with all its changes.
i haven't seen dirk since sunday: lovely jens is still in town, and the two of them needed some time together, and that was -of course- just fine with me. what was bizarre, and felt kinda ridiculous, though, was being on the phone with dirk in the evening, just 10 minutes away, both of us missing/wanting/needing each other, yet neither of us just hopping on our bikes to make the contact immediate. it felt like punishment. or something.
who ever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder was a liar.
i'll drive over to dirk's place in a short little while, to see jens off at the train station in the early afternoon. it's a bit of a bummer that we didn't get more time together, but i am sure this wasn't the last time we'll meet.
i've used this little bit of lone time, too, studying, watching the tour, doing yoga, casually looking for a job (found a 6 day research stint at the commerce department which would pay 100€ per day, applied, and am now crossing my fingers), applying for a seminar in september with silke, going to jazz ohne stress with tina last night. she's indeed leaving in three weeks, to spend the next 6 months preparing for finals at her parent's place. i don't think that's a good idea at all, but if she thinks she needs parental supervision to actually study, i hope it'll work for her. it surely wouldn't for me. she found someone to rent her place for those 6 months yesterday, so it is going to be real, her move, and that's strange going to be strange for me, because no matter how often i've whined about her since we've re-united, she is an exceptional friend to have around, and having her back in my life has made an enormous difference. her move will make an enormous difference in my life now, too.
i am speechless. this writing is just chit-chat, nothing more, and it annoys me, really, that my voice is gone for now, and that my need to write, too. it will return, of that i am sure.
i just wish i had something to say. i wish this life limbo was over.