Friday, July 11, 2003

dirk came over at 8am, having just missed the train to luzern he and his brother had wanted to take.

our disagreement yesterday about the details of the trip (and whether i should know such details as to what country they were going and what day they might be returning) had been short and ridiculous, but hurtful nonetheless. -it ruined my day, completely, and left me angry with myself and him and everything. - and wondering about the line between free love and letting someone treat me poorly.
it felt ridiculous and pointless, because i was happy for him and wishing him well for his travels with his brother, and knew that he was still tired and hungover from the night before, and that i had sounded controlling and silly, too.

he walked up the staircase to my door, this morning, his pack on his back, and brekkie from the bakery for me in his hands, and we hugged, and kissed, and we both said our sorries and apologies, and later kissed and loved and apologised some more until it was well again. our bodies had to do some of the talking.
it means so much to me that he came over this morning, that he brought my fave brekkie, that he made the first step and that we got to have a good goodbye.

it was all very good, and much needed, too.

so yeah. still learning, still working on finding a balance.
guess it'll take a while. but that's fine.