it's hard to admit having made mistakes, especially if that mistake was not being totally honest, especially considering how much i've been waxing on lately about honesty and its importance.
it doesn't make it better that i lied by omission. it doesn't make it better that i did so thinking i was protecting your feelings, when i was doing the exact opposite.

being blunt and honest is the greatest thing to show one cares. i care a lot about you, i have for ages, but when i noticed how much even bits of the truth hurt you, i was a coward and resolved to self-censoring here, to ommitting what was happening in my head and my heart when talking to you.

it hurts me to hurt you, because this is so late, this being honest, but there was no other way.
i wish i had real reasons, excuses, but i don't.