i'm tired today, and thinking too much.
i don't know when and why exactly my mood changed today, from yesterday evenings happiness, but it did, and now i am sitting here feeling blue.
i'll be going up to hometown tomorrow, and i really don't want to and have no idea why i am going, besides having said so since easter.
but the train tickets have been purchased and it would be 30€ to hand them back in, i have an appointment to get my hair cut on friday, an appointment with the health insurance guy on friday as well, and need to buy clothes, urgently, which one can't really do round here.
starting friday, i have a week long holiday from uni, and apart from all the stuff i already organised, i'd rather stay here, work out, be around people i like. instead i will have 5 stressful days with the parents, and i am in no mood to deal with them at all. they will ask too much about graduating and finals. they will ask about evan. they will ask about jack. they will ask about daniel and dirk. my mother will make comments on my looks.
they will quite simply ask too many questions i don't feel like answering at all.
my mother thinks i am unhappy, and keeps telling me that i am.
she's also complaining that i've changed, and don't have time for her anymore. and i have changed, and i don't have time for her anymore. - i am busy having a life, being around people, for a change.
she seems to be very upset, and told me today that she felt like i "didn't want to deal with them anymore" which is silly parental rhethoric. they'll be visiting in three weeks, why see them now?
but well, there is nothing to be changed now, i'll be leaving at midday tomorrow. i still need to pack, and i don't feel like it at all.
but i got to start, sooner rather than later because i'll be out tonight, to a lecture by sumaya farhat-naser, a palestinian peace activist who i've admired for a good long while because i read all her books. dirk is coming along, and i am quite sure that i will need a few beers on my balcony in his company after the lecture.
i fear that the next few days will be draining instead of relaxing, and i am already running low on energy anyway.
in the past, going home was always a refuge, always another way to flee from life here, and right now, i really don't have anything to flee from. which is good.