these two hours on the phone were no fun.
i found myself firing off bitter sounding observations, to no fighting back, to silence.
i was hurt and angry and sad, simultaneously throughout, and while some things are out in the open now, they are far from clean and sorted, obviously. 3 1/2 years do not end just like that, with one phone call, even if that's the culmination point to 10 weeks of underground argueing. there are still things between us, but crucial things have gone missing; there are disagreements on fundamental issues that do not seem to be reconcilable.
right now, i feel better, and worse, at the same time.
as needed as change is, actually setting it off does hurt. it's the mind clinging to permanence, i guess. no matter how shitty that permanence is.
i think these are growing pains.