i'm back in the world of tricyclic antidepressants.
i always vowed i'd never return, but here i am, willing to give them a try, once more.

i went to a new doc today, the one zuza recommended, and after a short but good consultation, left with a presciption for 25mg elavil and some peppermint oil for my tension-type headaches.
so i was spot on in my self-diagnosis and expected treatment.

the dosage is low: i am supposed to take 25mg, at night. - that is a third of the lowest dose given for the treatment of depression. outside a clinical setting, the lowest dosage is 75mg, the highest recommended dosage is 300mg, so i really am taking very very little here. i am supposed to rub the oil into my temples when the headache kicks in, and that felt surprisingly good today already. i am not allowed to use any otc pain medication, no more aspirin. i need to call in and ask whether some naproxen will be fine though - i'll get my period next week, and usually need some then (usually one dosage a day); but who knows, maybe using my spanking new divacup will change that.

i wonder whether it'll work, this tricyclic approach.
it *is* up-to-date treatment for headaches, one of the latest trends, and i am actually quite happy i got this prescription, not some silly recommendation of "relaxing more" or something. the doc seemed knowledgable, the entire practice is specialised in both pain treatment, migraines, and depression. apparently, i am supposed to notice a change within 4 or 5 days . - the doc told me to schedule another appointment by mid-week if i don't notice an improvement till then, and to keep a headache diary.
i wonder whether i'll get side effects, too. last time, 3 years ago on doxepin, they were terrible. i need to watch my food intake and exercise even more to make sure i keep them at bay. hopefully this little bit of meds will only have little side effects, too. i hated the dizziness, and the weight gain and the blood pressure troubles.

the more i think about it, the more i realise i actually wouldn't mind a full blown antidepressant prescription right now that much, even though i'd be weary to use tricyclics on normal dosage again.
i just worry so much about sliding back, with all this change and all the decisions i'll have to make these coming months. i know so much of my behaviour is still not normal, still not healthy, and my anxiety needs to be dealt with. i have not been too good at getting the most out of my therapy anyway. i know that if i really wanted a prescription, i could get it from the doc i saw today, but dr.k. would never approve.
and do i really want it? wouldn't it be terrible to use medication as a safety net?

i really am not that sure.