alles neu macht der mai, was the comment my mom made when i told her about the revamp of my place i am doing today and tomorrow and however long it will take this weekend.

right now, the flat is in a similar state as my head: a total mess.

for some strange reason, i can't seem to find my cleaning & tidying rhythm today. - i keep jumping from one corner to the other, one task to the next. very untypical.

i'm throwing some things away, putting others away for the moment (or maybe forever, too?), creating space to breathe in the process.
it's direly needed, and an outside manifestation of what's been going on inside of me.

i'd really like to paint this place, tear out the carpet, make it all bare, but if i stop and think for a moment, that would be overreacting and quite pointless, because no matter what happens, i won't be in this space for a very long time. - and i can't afford paint right now anyway.

i took all pictures and paintings and posters off the wall.

when i removed the robert delaunay poster, the paint crackled and came off where the poster strips had been. fuck. will have to cover those spots now - that much for poster strips not damaging the ground they are stuck upon. - i had planned on leaving that bit of wall bare.

am not sure whether i should put the framed aerial view of downtown melbourne away. it's pretty. i got as a pressie from the law firm in september, it hangs in view of my desk, and i am not sure i want it in sight right now. or want it at all, for that matter. i guess i might take it off yet keep it up here in the flat, under the bed maybe, and see how i feel without it.
delaunay is gone forever, as is the framed tate gallery poster. only have one replacement so far: red on maroon, one of rothko's seagram murals. i reserved at a shop in town yesterday. i'll see what ikea has in store, too. - i'd like another rothko, but i can barely afford the one print (of pretty low quality anyway) i picked now.
the framed nude by alfred, my arts teacher, will stay, as will the haring calender, as much as i hate it. i decided i won't care what month it is, and just have those images up that i like and that fit colour-wise.
mybe the poster in the kitchen will go, too. i am not sure yet.

so. other things to go: the fake sunflower that used to be on the windowstill. apart from the stones from nz, actually all the knick knack that used to be on the windowstill is gone, as is all the stuff on my desk and around the computer.
it will be nice once i have plants on the balcony, to have an unobstructed view of them outside.

it hurts a little, this putting away. who am i doing this for? for me? for someone else? why do i want it bare?
fact is, i do. i want space. less stuff where dust can accumulate. fewer things to distract my mind.

i already feel that it's better for me, to be surrounded by less stuff. and this is still my place.

what a strange day today.