grim linked to something tom from plasticbag.org wrote friday:

"...Anyone who is 100% sure of the morality of their position with regard to the war in Iraq probably hasn't understood the issues involved. Be prepared to have your mind changed. Remain open to new ideas. Protest / Advocate only what you really believe to be true..."

and it's true.
today, like yesterday, i found myself wondering a lot about the point of the protests and my views and what is right and what is wrong. i edited yestersday's post and deleted some of the bile. it's easy to get enraged and start seeing black in white when all there is are shades of grey.

what if i am wrong, after all?

like tom said, it's best to stand up for what you really believe to be true. after some more discussions with my dad, it's a bit clearer what i can stand up for:
it's my belief in peace, my believe in the un and diplomacy and in the compassion and kindness of people.
i can not stand behind blank anti-americanism, even if i strongly disagree with us politics and its pre-emptive war. i can not stand behind people carrying signs saying "stop the genocide" (which fails to recognise that there has been a genocide against the kurds in iraq) or "weapons instructors into the us", "bush to den haag" or "my president is a psychopath". it ain't that simple.
in contrast to that, "you can't extinguish fire with fire" and "bombs don't built democracy" are slogans i would carry, too.

overall, today isn't much better than yesterday.

went to the gym this morning, which was nice - did back and lower body, until my legs felt wobbly. sunday mornings at the gym are empty - i was there from 8:30am on, first almost alone, then at least the only girl in the weight room/free weights. overall, it was calming and relaxing. am happy that my performance is still okay, even though i worked out less while at home.
the boy gave me a call, too.
he successfully avoided being the one to receive a patient with suspected sars 30 minutes before his shift was over, by flirting with nurses. good on him for the flirting, for a change. i've been joking all last week that he should be careful about sars, and now this. reality is so much not funny.
however, our phone call again didn't provide the coziness and connectedness i currently crave. maybe i'm asking for/expecting too much from him in his current situation, who knows.
he'll be picking up the parcel tomorrow - he's got the whole day off. he should let me know how he likes it after getting it, shouldn't he? i'll wait and see. and if he won't get in touch, it'll be just another kick into my gut (i was tempted to write "stab into my poor little heart", that would have been too pityful and whiny), nothing new.
i could cry.