Friday, February 21, 2003

this afternoon, waiting to be served at the bakery, tina came up to me.
tina, my formerbestfriend™.

we were best friends for about 3 years at the start of uni. we went to countless parties together (often preparing for hours in her flat), discussed boy woes, got drunk, failed and studied for classes together, slept in the same bed, watched ally mcbeal (back when it was still good), worked out... we were very extremely good friends, we had plenty of good times.

until she got a boyfriend, and i met evan, which happened in the span of 6 weeks or so.

some trouble evolved, surrounding both, and it turned out it had all been rather superficial - the friendship we had entertained, the friendships we, as a team, had kept with others, everything.
when things got rough, my first serious bout of depression hit, and i decided to sever all superficial friendships, we lost touch. that was almost 3 years ago.

we haven't seen each other since then, which is quite strange in a town as small as this one. it can only be explained by how extreme and final my cut with her and my old friends was, and with the limits i have given my life since then.
she returned some books via one of my neighbours, early on, i once wrote a letter telling her what was up. but that was that.

today, we ran into each other, completely unexpectedly (i thought she had left this city already) and we're meeting up to have a bottle or two of wine tomorrow night.

i was impressed by how lovely she was. i was searching for explanations, telling her how embarassed i was to get back in touch after a certain time had passed and she just told me she didn't need any explanations, i shouldn't be embarassed and it didn't matter.
turns out, she's not done with uni either, which is a bummer, of course, but quite relieving for me, actually. - i am not alone, after all.

in any way, i will go and see her tomorrow, and in some way, it's like catching up with an ex-boyfriend.
i am excited and worried and wondering what it will be like, and am anxious not to get too excited. i could do with a friend, and i loved our friendship when it lasted (the first time ever, i had a friend that close, i guess), but i don't want to re-introduce superficiality of that scale into my life, ever again, and am not sure whether i feel like talking about all that has been.

but i shall see.

no matter what, it's going to be a very interesting evening.