Friday, February 07, 2003

nothing can improve my day as significantly as a relaxed one hour phone call with evan after a week like this one.

we finally had time to connect and exchange stuff that had been happening and just hear each other's voices. an hour of coupley-ness that was very much needed on my part. all very nice indeed.
left me feeling a lot happier about us than i had been all week, and probably the week before that, too. re-charged my love batteries so to speak. he.
unfortunately, it also left me longing to be with him, my poor boy all alone at home on a friday night before a work-filled weekend, too tired to be bothered to cook a real meal for himself.

i really want to improve our connection, which gets so disturbed by the noise of my worries and my self-doubts and my feelings of worthlessness, and work on being a reliable, supportive, loving companion and lover for him.
it's all there already, i felt it today again (talking about our parents, and pleasing them, and my fathers hate of my impending leaving) - i just forget what we already have, what we have had for such a long time already, when my thougths turn negative.

after yesterday's yoga class and meditation, i decided to look for mediations that might help me working with my worries, or rather, accepting them and letting them move through me, to get somewhere better. the simple images that bettina has been using during our meditations after class, warm suns over our chests, love and warmth radiating through us to those we love (which stirred up images in my head of my love crossing the globe like radiowaves, finding evan at sleep in his bed at night) have made me feel so good, that i thought it might be worth a try to find inspirational or meditative reading to use before or during my sitting.
found even more than what i was hoping for: the power of love meditation at yoga journal. am very much looking forward to do it after my practise tomorrow morning.