Wednesday, October 09, 2002

so where should i start? impossible to jot down all that happened in the past 2 1/2 months.
i'm speechless, i guess. somehow saying that it was "perfect with ev, fabulous at work, and a great time overall" says nothing at all, even though all that *is* true. and then: what should i talk about anyway? i spend time with the man i know is my lifepartner & soulmate (excuse the clich├ęs), i had a fab job with a fab boutique intellectual property firm, i fell in love with melbourne again and again and again, i met with friends, did power lunches, ogled real estate with evan, went on dates with him, went to the footie most weekends, cooked meals for the family, was happy and loved and having a life.

it was simple. it was normal. it was right.

that is "all" that happened, even though all that is big news in my book.
there are few news about rings, promises and weddings, no tales of exciting travel (i dismissed all initial plans, for the place i felt i wanted to be was melbourne, and melbourne alone), a few bad news about money needed for uni, but surprisingly good news regarding immigration.

it's propably the simplicity and normalcy of the life i had in melbourne that makes it so difficult to talk or write about.
there is little that seems interesting enough for an outside person, whereas for me and evan, that normalcy has been the great outcome os this. the fact we got along as perfectly as we did after the usual fit-in time, the way we managed to work through a few issues, make plans for the future, work and study full time yet make time for ourselves and fall into rituals that make us both feel connected - that has been the fabulous, fabulous realisation of this whole trip. it's what we hoped would happen, and it happened. and it was even better than expected.
that's the little big news of it all.

i've been this speechless ever since coming back. no one has wanted to hear much about my time away so far, and it's all still tied up inside me, not having been reflected upon. it's not written down anywhere yet, and i feel like i have to, to make it last and to hold on to it.
feels very odd.
i've been back for a week and a half, and in a way it feels like years since i left melbourne. it was the same the other way round: arriving at evans place, i felt like i had been away for a week or two, not two years. the two months felt like a century to me, yet passed by in a flash. blame it on aforementioned normalcy.

did i miss journaling? i did. a little. but there was just no time for it. life was busy - quite strange considering how few extraordinay things happened. work took up lots of time, the evenings were filled with homey things, family dinners and dates with the boy, the weekends taken up my runs in the morning, hours over the papers, evans work and his studygroup and my strolling through melbourne with jasmine, a gal i met on a tourbus in singapore.
as if that wasn't enough, i was extremely tired much of the time, falling asleep as soon as i sat down in front of mda (no, not caused by jason donovan, i *wanted* to watch that show, so hilariously funny, so much wrong wrong wrong med and law) or friday night footie. i suspect something is actually wrong with my thyroid (hypothyroidism) - tiredness, memory trouble, slight weight gain, being cold, gi trouble, odd periods, hair loss and whatever other symptoms i have, all point to this. to top this off, my entire family has thyroid issues, too (my father had hypothyroidism, my ma and grandma hyperthyroidism), and now i have an appointment with my doc next monday to clear this up.

so now i am back in germany, and all i want is finish up my stuff and get back to my boy and melbourne. it's weird to be here. this city feels empty, tina is gone, and the work i thought i'd have before the semester isn't there - i could have stayed 2 weeks longer. duh. no that there isn't enough study to be done anyway.
have been avoiding it so far though, am sick and crampy and tired, the contents of my suitcase are all in a big pile in the middle of my room. need to clean this flat, sort my wardrobe, tidy up. weird, how a flat can get dusty while noone is there. need to pick myself up, live in the now, be active. the usual.

doesn't help that i can almost count down the days until i fly back, for yet another interim stay before it's finally final. will be in oz for 4 weeks over christmas, evan and i will share the cost of the ticket. there'll be no work, no study, just lots of free time and together time, summer, christmas in merimbula, house hunting for his place down by the beach in ocean grove.

i'll book next week. hooray.