So. Better now, at least somewhat.
Spend and hour on the phone with Ev, and only really told him what was up at the end. But it helped. Lots. Even though I feel so silly when telling him those ridiculously insecure thoughts, even though I hate this sobbing and being whiny.
So glad that he's there. So very glad that he'll soon be here. Not that I believe his mere presence will make everything well, everything go away -being happy is MY responsibility not anyone else's- but there will be someone who listens, someone who is there, someone who grounds me. And that will help immensely. And it won't just be someone: it will be him.
And, well, he is the most amazing person I have ever met and I am so glad that he is in my life. Sometimes, I really can not believe that we've met, and that we've been handling this odd relationship so well over these past 2 years. Simply put: I love him. Very much so.
Anyway.
Still haven't worked as much as I had needed to. Am tired, my eyes burn, and I still feel sick. Yeah. Just when I need it.
What a weekend.
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