Monday, July 02, 2001


Am tired, just like that, in the middle of the day. Oh well. Haven't been too productive, really, as of yet. Went to the farmer's market early this morning and bought some much needed food, even though I really am not exactly hungry these days. Bought some fresh strawberries and kiwis and bananas and all, in the hope that having healthy things around that I like will make me want to eat. If necessary, I will force myself. I am not going to let the strawberries rot again. That was just too disgusting.

It's all pretty bizarre, really, this eating thing at the mo. I think I really am losing weight just like that. A little frightening almost. Sure, I go to the gym and all, but *this*? All very odd. Because I do not weight myself, I don't know how much I've lost, but most of my clothes are getting very loose these days, even my usually rather tight Jeans. Hmph. I am definitely not whining about that, but I just wonder whether something other than just eating less, moving more & summer could be behind this sudden change.

I actually think it is good I never did end up doing med, really, i read up a little in regards to bruising easily, and what I read sure wasn't good. Team that up, btw, with the weight loss, and you can choose between a diagnosis of various cancers and lupus, among other things.

Oh well. We'll see. Because of the bruising, and on Heather's advice, I want to be more diligent in regards to taking my supplements and getting an extra dose of vitamin C and staying hydrated. Because that ruising thing could simply be a sign of a lack of vitamin C, E and K and of being dehydrated. If I don't notice a change in the next two weeks or so, I'll have to go and have it checked out by my doc.

Well, what else is there....ah, yes. I went out for coffee with Britta yesterday afternoon, which was just as expected...rather...odd. Or unexciting. Or whatever. Just not the greatest thing in the world. But still okay.
Johannes called her again (how shocking!) on Saturday, and she kept the call short and sweet and plans on calling him sometime this week. We had a piece of cake at Kaffeehaus and then went on a little stroll and window shopping tour and it was okay, really. Mostly talked about her. There really isn't anything about me that I want to share with her at the moment anyway. I sound horrible, sorry.

I feel a little odd about this Johannes thing, too. I kept bashing him and telling Britta why I think he wouldn't be a good partner for her (too young, too immature, what have you - I really don't think they would be good together); while at the same time, I do think he is a generally nice guy, just not for her. I am not thinking "for me", either; but hey, a 23 year old 2nd semester english/history major who falls to his knees and kisses my feet because I listened to Sisters of Mercy when I was 13, needs some growing up to do, and is not really a guy for Britta, whose wildest CD in her collection is the soundtrack to "City of Angels". Oh, I am evil. I need something to fight all that bitchiness inside me. I bet tonights Pump session will help with this.

I realised I let lots of it out at the boards, too over the past 48 hours or so; which I really simply shouldn't do. But it's pretty hard at the moment, really, when apparently all the kids are sitting at home so bored to death that they feel the need to fake pregnancy scares at online boards. All new users that we seem to get are arrogant, dumb, rude, heterosexist or shallow. Or absolutely condescending in their pseudo-intellectual all knowing views on Polyamory, intergenerational dating or whatever else.

Can I scream for a minute, please?


That was relieving. If I get another "what can my boyfriend eat so that his ejaculate tastes better?" "we did xyz - am I now pregnant?" or one more "I am really 13 and pregnant, and sorry for lying earlier", I will go insane. Promise. Stand by to watch the show.

On a happier note, I can't tell you how much my balcony rocks at the mo. My geraniums have almost fully recovered (both are just starting to bloom again),my gerbera is blooming, the odd plant that I don't know the name off is loving it's new pot and I swear has doubled in size since it got the new pot last week and the lobelias and alyssums are absolutely spilling out of their containers. All that nicely set off by the lovely newly painted red and my colourful windbag and what have you.

Did a sun salutation again this morn on the balcony, in the sun, and the smell from the alyssum was so intense. It really smells like honey. Unfortunately, the smell attracts an abundance of tiny little flies, too, that really don't harm anyone, but they are still kind of annoying.
This morn, at the market, I was determined to not buy any plants, but of course I failed. I bought a lavender, even though the time is actually over for it, I really couldn't help myself. The plant is supposed to last longer anyway, so...I should be fine. It just smelled divine, really, like my grandma. Like holidays in Provence. Whatever. Bought a purty terracotta pot, too, and now I can see it here from my desk and am all happy and content with it. Lovely plant.

On a sadder note, I can see over to Fritz's flat from here and know life here in this flat will never be the same. He isn't my neighbiour anymore, at least not full-time. Fritz started his new job in S-town today, 200km away. He'll still keep his flat for a while, he'll in fact be back as soon as next weekend, but life without him as the world's greatest neighbour will be different. Who shall get my spare key now? Who can look after my plants when I am on the road? I really have no idea.
He called me last night, to ask me to check his mail every now and then, and sounded all sad and scared. No wonder, he never lived somewhere but here (if you disregard his time in Vienna, but that were only 3 months). He's such as hometown boy, I hope he'll manage to get used to living in S-town.

On another note, my plan to go to Erlangen to see Xan and his theatre group perform prolly won't work out. Haven't heard anything from him as of now (and the Premiere should be tomorrow or Wednesday, as far as I know), and to be honest, just don't have the funds for a quickie trip halfway through the country just to see a theatre play either. Bummer. I hope I can somehow get hold of him and get him to visit me here. We shall see.

In any way, that much for the mo. Should prolly do some studying now. *sigh*