Monday, July 21, 2003

what has been making mondays so strange lately?
i wonder, really. for some bizarre reason, the last few mondays have all been low days, and today is no exception.

it's still this finding a balance thing that i've been mentioning for a while now, i guess. i bet the best thing would be to not stress and to relax instead, but that's hard, when my favourite emotions come creeping up again. welcome fave emotions, hang around, we'll have a good time, my darlings! hello guilt. hello selfdoubt. hello selfhate. so lovely to see you here, settle down and have a drink with me.
it's silly, really, to feel responsible for other people's feelings and emotions and matters, and i should, quite simply, just snap out of wanting to control it all, and let things be and take words as they are spoken, without too many interpretations. too bad that i've never been good at that. too bad i've never been too good at recognising my needs either.

it's no big deal, overall.
but it's a tad bit annoying that mondays make me sad. and that i am feeling sulky and stupid knowing i am just that, sulky and stupid and that feeling and acting that way is childish and totally counter productive.

am still not taking better care of myself better, still nowhere near figuring out my needs. i need to do both and remember to just love above it all, which i do, anyway.
loving is easy, after all.

at least lance showed good form today. that's something to love, too.