Tuesday, April 08, 2003

the phone rang at 7am this morning.

it was the boy: he booked a flight and will arrive in frankfurt at 5:55am on the 17th of july. he has three weeks holidays, and will be round here for two. he'll be out in the country hospital till then, and hence apparently can not leave on his last day of work, or the next for that matter, and hence also wants 3 days back in Australia before starting work. two weeks is a very short time to be together, especially for us. especially right now. in addition to that, experience has shown that the boy needs that amount of time to get used to us being together to start with.

he told me i should thank his best mate santa who apparently "talked him into booking" monday night by giving him the exact same reasons i've given these past weeks.

knowing this makes it all quite anti-climactic. why does my opinion not count? why does he need to be "talked into" this in the first place? am i not enough of a reason? does he even want to come here? i have doubts. - have had them ever since the meltdown. i wonder whether they will ever go away. can i trust him, ever again?

i should be happy and excited, but this feeling of sadness and dissapointment is here instead. and that's just strange.

absence makes the heart beat
~jasmin tabatabai~

all this time i kept wondering dearly
where you'd go and how you are
never knowing how to think clearly
never cared whether you're too far
never thinking that the world might spin too fast
for i keep hanging on

nothing there to wonder if to last
cause you might just move one
don't look up
always look back
cause i guess
absence makes the heart beat

just look up
never look back if you wish
that we'll ever meet

after a while
something's creeping up slowly
you keep moving and i stand still
try forgetting not to be so lonely
i try moving and you keep still
just afraid that the world might spin too fast
cause i keep hanging on
sometimes knowing that there's nothing left to last
while you might just move on